


Mercy/Gatekeeper

by xJordanKayX



Series: Expectations: A One Shot Series [4]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Deals with Depression and abuse, F/F, warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 14:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14451006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xJordanKayX/pseuds/xJordanKayX
Summary: And insight into Cheryl's feelings





	Mercy/Gatekeeper

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:  
> THIS DEALS WITH DEPRESSION AND ABUSE
> 
> This follows canon in general, but for this one shot, I decided to forego the Sisters of quiet Mercy and the emancipation storyline.

Jason had always been the favorite one. The only son, the first born; even if that was just a matter of mere minutes. And Cheryl isn't the only one who knows this. You had to be blind not to notice the favoritism and, she thinks, even if you were, you could not miss it. 

He's been trained to take over the family business ever since he was old enough to walk and talk, even though he has never shown an interest in doing so and probably never would. Cheryl isn't really interested in the family business either, but what she's interested in, is spending time with her father and proving that she's just as much worth as her brother is. The sole fact that she is a girl does not make her any less of a human being than her brother. Her mother is involved fully enough and, with time Cheryl starts to realize, that it's simply * her * they don't like. 

It has been a crushing realization for a six year old, to find out your family doesn't really want you, probably doesn't even love you. The only person she has is, maybe ironically, her brother Jason. She's learned from a young age to put up a tough exterior and to act cold and like she doesn't care, because she can't and won't let her parents see how much their indifference is affecting her. That would be just what they want and Cheryl is determined not to let them win. Sometimes, when she thinks back on those days now, she's surprised at her own perceptiveness of the situation for such a young age. 

But, the tough facade had not only helped her in front of her family, but it had also made making friends extremely difficult. Growing up in a loveless home, you have no idea how it feels when people are being nice to you, simply because they want to. Simply because they actually like you; maybe even want to become friends. She's driven away more people than she cares to admit or even count, and most of them had not even made it past an initial 'hello'. Others have been more persistent and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, because the whole town was aware of how she's been treated by her own parents. Again, it was very hard to miss. But in the end, they all gave up eventually, too, because the cold and indifferent exterior just made her outright bitchy and unapproachable. 

Until she had met Toni Topaz. Their first ever contact had been a fleeting exchange at an illegal drag race, and as much as Cheryl tried to deny it to herself, she had felt the sparks between them from that very moment on. Of course being from the Northside, being the Northside It-Girl as she liked to call herself, there was no way she would ever actually act on any of those sparks. She'd rather drop dead than admit a lowly Southsider can be her equal, can be worthy of her love and affection. In that regard, she was just like her mother, and she'd always hoped, that this would maybe be a way to prove to the woman that * she * is worthy of * her * love and affection. But it had never helped her. She had always been and will always be the child their parents never wanted. 

Not even Jason's death two years ago, just a few months before she'd met Toni, by the hand of their own father, had done anything to change that. If anything, it had only made things worse. Where she had been simply ignored in favor of her brother before, now she was the sole focus of her mother's hatred towards her. No matter what she did, Cheryl could not ever get it right, could not ever do anything her mother would be proud of her for. And she did try, with all her might. But she was a girl, she was heartless, she was loveless, she was not interested in boys like a good girl should be and, for that, she was deviant and a bad seed. Her mother had a whole lot of other things to say about her, too, but Cheryl tries to not let any of this get past the carefully erected wall around her heart. But sometimes, this is easier said than done, and in times like these, she's incredibly glad for her best friend. 

Toni had been persistent on getting to know Cheryl, on getting behind the facade and find the real, human, girl hidden somewhere behind it. She'd suffered through name callings and snide remarks and hateful looks, until she had finally see a glimpse of the girl she has been searching for. She had made her move then, had surprisingly been there for Cheryl when the girl had, also surprisingly, finally cracked. That night at Pop's will forever be their favorite moment. 

From then on, their friendship had grown ever stronger and Cheryl was glad to have finally found someone to be there for her, to help her pick up the pieces when she's feeling down again. 

Before, she had locked herself in her room, cried herself to sleep. More than once, she had let her anger out on one of the stuffed animals lining her bed and later, when she didn't need stuffed animals anymore, she'd cut up the occasional expensive throw pillow. Of course that had only gotten her into trouble with her parents and she's been scolded and slapped across the face and grounded for weeks, but Cheryl didn't mind all that. She had had no friends to go out and see anyway and when her parents were mad at her, they at least were paying attention to her. Jason had tried to help her, but, as much as she could confide in him, she also couldn't talk to him about everything: He simply didn't understand her and, some days, that made the pain even harder to bear instead of lessening it. 

Now, she locks herself in her room, calls Toni and vents about everything that is wrong with her life and how everything is spiraling and how she has no control over anything in her own life anymore. She can tell Toni doesn't get it either, telling her everything will be alright, that there will come a time where she will leave all this behind her and start her life anew, happy and without depression. But with Toni she doesn't mind if she gets it or not, it doesn't hurt to find the other girl can't really imagine how being Cheryl Blossom must feel. Jason was either supposed to know how she feels because he's been treated the same way, or else neither of the two should be feeling like this. What hurt so much was the knowledge that her brother couldn't understand because he had been treated differently and, more importantly, better by the same people. People that were supposed to love both their children equally. 

Sometimes, she sneaks Toni in through her bedroom window. That would have been a pretty difficult task once upon a time; when they were living (happily) ever after in their manor. But since Cheryl had snapped some short time before she's met Toni, had burned down her own family home and actually tried to kill herself, they had relocated to a place where things like that were much simpler. Toni had heard about Thornhill burning, hadn't known Cheryl back then and when the redhead finally told her that it had been her that caused the fire Toni hadn't judged. They had spent hours cuddled up on her bed, Cheryl talking and Toni listening. And it had been the one and only time, that Toni had really understood the pain and suffering Cheryl had been subjected to her whole life. 

When Toni comes over, it's mostly in the middle of the night, because they can't risk anyone seeing her sneak onto the property or into the girl's bedroom window. Cheryl's mother has not once in the last two years of the girls' friendship allowed Toni to actually set foot into the house, but then again, Cheryl isn't sure if this is just because Toni is trash and from the Southside, or if any friend of Cheryl's wouldn't be welcome in her home. But that makes it even more exciting. Defying her mother in her own house was always a thrill for Cheryl. Toni had tried to tell her once that it is not healthy, acting the way she does, but Cheryl hadn't cared. Defying her mother is the only thing, that makes her feel alive these days. 

Well, almost the only thing, because when Toni comes over, she also makes her forget. 

It's not ideal, Cheryl knows that, but it's better than what she used to have.


End file.
